The Anatomy of Adultery: Avoiding Adultery

Many have a philosophy on adultery which says, “If my partner doesn’t know about it, I’m not hurting anyone”. Except your conscience is dead, this statement is true. If your conscience is indeed dead, because you feel this way and have no thoughts against it, then the problems that need to be dealt with are greater than the sin of adultery. Adultery is a sin against God, and if left unchecked will provoke the judgment of God over one’s life. Not only that, it is emotionally, physically and psychologically destructive.

The following will help in protecting yourself and your family against the dangers of adultery:

1. Have a set principle or value not to commit adultery

the most common reason given for adultery is the wife withholding sex or the husband not communicating and not being emotional intimate. Not committing adultery should not be hinged on what your husband or wife do or does not do, it should be based solely on your principle.

In a world were everyone wants to blame someone else (including the devil) for their mistakes and no one takes responsibility, it is easy to shift the blame of adultery to your husband or wife. As a husband or wife, decide within yourself now that irrespective of what your spouse does, the fact that adultery is a sin, is enough for you not to engage in it by His grace.

2. Communicate

those who keep statistics say more than 75% of divorce stem from communication breaking down in the home. Many of us don’t want to talk because of our passive nature, or because we don’t want to hurt the other person, or for whatever reason we have chosen, this reasons put together would not stand when the result of lack of communication happens.

I have been on the road for a while and sometime last week, I realized that communication between Ola and I was not what it was, she was avoiding sharing with me (I’m guessing) because I was tired and was always getting ready for another trip. On our way to the airport, I told her to let go of whatever is on her mind and if she has to yell, she should feel free and not just tell me nothing. She did share some and I felt a sigh of relief within her and also within me.

Lack of communication, brings you apart and keeps the focus on other people other than the two of you, if the other person is someone of the opposite sex, then danger is looming. Work related adultery is now on the rise and it starts from innocent compassionate communication, some touching and then who knows what. If you are not happy talk to your spouse and if he/she is not responding, seek help from your church leadership in talking to him.

3. Flee appearances of evil

the Bible commands that we should flee fornication. Fleeing should be taking literarily, when as a woman you are talking to another man much more than your husband, run. If as a man another woman starts looking good to you, then it’s time to run. When things are not going well at home and your emotion is going crazy about another person of the opposite sex – do a double flip and run. As a pastor watch out for women who are always trying to be too close to you or hold your hands during conversation.

Avoid talking to another person of the opposite sex without the knowledge of your spouse. When you find yourself keeping secrets, then it’s time to bring the issue up with your spouse. Even when you have “stupid” dreams about other people, talk to your spouse, hopefully, he/she would be smart enough to pray for you, rather than make fun of you or use it as a weapon against you in the future.

Like they say, if it quack like a duck, walk like a duck, swim like a duck – then it must be a duck. If you are having uneasy emotional feeling about your co-worker, talk about it and if it needs you quitting your job, then do it to save your marriage and to be obedient to God. Adultery is a temporary pleasure that brings huge sorrow with it.

4. Watch your group of friends

The Bible says bad company corrupt good manners. If your group of friend supports your adulterous relationship, then you need to find you a new set of friends. As weird as this might sound, some married friends actually hook each other up in adultery.

5. Don’t hold back on sex

Apostle Paul many years ago warned that husbands and wives should not hold back on sex from each other for a long time, lest the enemy take advantage of each person’s need and desire.

When your husband does what you don’t like, holding back sex is not the answer, talking about the issue (not nagging) is way better. Actually, I’ll suggest you ask him that both of you should talk after sex. If you are not emotionally up to it, let him know and I’m sure he’ll understand. Whatever happens, sex should not be a weapon, seek another avenue of communication. I know some men are holding back on sex lately, the same rules apply.

It is important to note that adultery can be addictive and could be tough to get out of. If it is your desire to quit, then do what Jesus said, “bring your yoke to me all you who labor and are heavy laden and I’ll give you rest”. Communicate not only with your God, but with your spouse and confess your sin to your church leadership so that you may be healed. Receive discipline if applied with grace and let God restore you to the place of your first love with Him

I love Ola (my wife) and would never think of hurting her by committing adultery, however, my main reason for not committing adultery is because I would be hurting God and such action would bring consequences that is severe. I also know that avoiding adultery is not in my strength but in reliance on God and setting simple rules for my self both at home and on the road. Avoid being alone with another woman (except my sisters or her sisters), communicate with my wife about what’s going on (I call my wife several times a day while I’m on the road), and when I sense a woman coming on strong (real or perceived) I mention my family and wife (particularly) many times.

Next part: Why do people commit adultery?

Remain Blessed!


  1. Toyosi says

    I strongly agree with the first point to ‘Have a set principle or value not to commit adultery’ which answers the “Why I should not commit adultery”. Adultery is not only committed by unbelievers, but by believers as well and as such having an understanding on what adultery is, it’s consequences and it’s cause would help in guiding against it. The bible says Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; (not lacks self control or will power) He who does so destroys his own soul’ Proverbs 6:32. It takes more than self control or will power not to commit adultery, it takes understanding. It takes understanding the ripple effect of this action “committing adultery” on the marriage, what happens to the trust, what things am I exposing my marriage to as a result of my actions. I must say, all this should be understood, before you get into marriage because if you are trying to find understanding during temptation while in marriage, it may already be too late. Notice that Jesus was not thinking of what to say when he was being tempted. He already read the scrolls and had understanding of things that where writing in the books.

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